Today is my birthday! I love my Birthhhhdddaaayyyyy!
it’ssssss mmmyyy birthhhdaaaaay!
Quick! Someone give me a tiara and wig!
Of course, you know me well enough by now, to know that I will document the day in photos. Strap yourselves in, this could get lengthy.
The original birthday…meaning the actual day of my birth:
How pissed do I look? I feel like I am thinking, “Are you shitting me? I waited 9 months for this? Take the damn picture already. And NO I will not smile for the camera. I don’t even know how to smile stupid”
Around the time I turned three, I discovered the beauty of the birthday cake and was very giddy about it:
A few short years later, whe I turned five, I mastered the blowing out of the candles, though it STILL took a LOT of concentration.
I threw a raging party for my 6th. Awwwww, yeah… For kicks, I invited a bunch of coke heads and transgendered kids. It was so much fun playing the childhood classic home game, “Boy or Girl? ” To make things tricky, bith my sister (orange shirt standing in the lefthand corner) and I (big black arrow above my head) wore skirts with suspenders and bowties.
My seventh birthday was the first year my parents were split. Those were tough times, and the first birthday when only one parent was there to greet when I woke up on the big day. But they made it special by setting the table early that day with pink decorations and tea roses– my first flowers! And certainly not the last…oh no no no. No Sir! Yes, that’s my brother lurking in the background behind me. He looks supremely jealous.
Shortly before my 8th, I boycotted the evil empire of hair brush manufacturers. I wouldn’t bow down to their imperialistic ways ANY LONGER! NO! But then, well, you know what that looks like.****
The next years were spent in jail.
I turned sweet-sixteen while living abroad in Naples with the Naccarato family, hiding from the Feds just like Robert De Niro in the Godfather: Part II. Except he was in the Mob and hiding in Sicily. It was weird to be away, but the family threw me a beautiful party and we all got dressed up. I don’t know why I am clenching my fist like I am about to pop poor Giorgia in the kidney.
My dad used to send me letters in code while I was hiding in Italy, at least that’s what I think it was, maybe just bad handwriting on yellow legal paper. I can picture him scribbling quick notes between meetings to be sent to me far away. This was the one written the day before my 16th. I have no idea what it says.
For the sake of brevity (I know…too late, right?) let’s fast forward to my 21st. My first outing as a legal drinker! Woo Hoo! I am not even going to comment on this photo– you can fill in the blanks. I have no words. I’ll just mention that is my then boyfriend Jeremiah giving me a smooch. He was cute. The other person in the photo was his roommate’s girlfriend. I know. I am not going to say it.
Not too many years later, I moved to Amsterdam. As you may have read in previous posts, I spent my 25th birthday in Prague on a long weekend away from Amsterdam. I think we’ve seen enough of Praha on Interravision, so lets skip to 26— a very significant birthday. Not just because I was moving into my mid-20s, but because it was at a surprise party thrown for my birthday that I first socialized with the lovely Ashbloem. I have proof too. She signed the group card with a polite, if curt, “Best, Ashbloem”. Thanks girl, love you too. (joking sweetie, you know I really do love you).
Ever since, our birthdays are somewhat intertwined since they fall so closely together. We’ve thrown some pretty awesome parties together, like our 28th at Cafe Dante (was it Dante? I can’t remember now):
Finally, I would regret not mentioning my 3oth, spent with my sister and brother out in Las Vegas. Sister had some hotel points and I had some frequent flier miles and we combined resouces and stayed here, at the Ritz Carlton, Lake Las Vegas. Just close enough to the strip to have a great time, but far enough away to relax and enjoy the amazing spa.