And then she said…

Another company dinner party last night. This is a meeting we have once a year, and at the dinner every person who has never attended before has to get up and choose from the following:

A) Tell an embarrassing story about themselves
B) Sing a Song
C) Tell a Joke

We had maybe 25-30 new staff there last night, out of about 70. They wasted no time, and stories were being thrown out there before our first course even arrived. Most people choose option A, but 3 people had the balls to sing a song and 1 person told a joke. So the stories typically fall into these categories:

1) Peeing/Pooping
2) Drunken antics
3) Sexual misconduct

When done properly, these stories can be hysterical. On more than one occasion I had tears of laughter streaming down my face and participated in at least 2 standing ovations. But when not told with comedic finesse, the room sits in stony silence until you finish and then you are blessed with a polite golfer’s clap. And then by default, that becomes your most embarrassing story ever.

Yes, this is a business function.

As with any of our functions, there is always that girl. The one everyone is buzzing about the next day, and not in a good way. We have a lot of women in the company, but don’t get me wrong, the boys can qualify to be that girl too. It’s not really a gender thing. I swear.

Last night’s that girl really went all out. It was her first day of work at this company. She stood up towards the end of the evening, after many glasses of wine, to tell her embarassing story. Her story had something to do with spending christmas in Amsterdam with the family of a friend of hers, smoking a gigantic joint, getting drunk, hooking up with the brother, getting caught by the mother and then the next day the mother revealing how relieved she was that it was her hooking up with her son since at first glance she thought it was her own daughter. Ah, a story that combines drugs, alcohol, sex and perceived incest, what can be better than that? Oh, her story was littered with drunken slurs and the occasional f-bomb. She also called out to the President, Vice President and her manager letting them know it was too late, they’ve hired her and we are all now stuck with her.

Pretty good, for a first day of work.

5 thoughts on “And then she said…

  1. I’ve *really* got to get a part-time job there or something. I mean, it is just surreal, your workplace. Like the weird bastard child of Howard Stern and Richard Branson. Er…if they had gay sex, I guess.

  2. how i miss the good old days. seems like just yesterday I was watching one of my VPs sucking face with a 19 year old intern on the dance floor, while the other VP passed out in a pool of his own vomit next to the bus…. ah, good times…..Dannie

  3. Geez. There are always people we talk about after the annual party (like the guy who puked all over the dancefloor), but luckily we’re not made to tell stories, sing or joke… I think I might have to quit!

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