I am not making this up.

My fascination regarding the strange things people buy as travel accessories has been well documented. But THIS came across my desk today, courtesy of our friends at Daily Candy, and now I say you have GONE TOO FAR.

I first thought snug and cozy thoughts when I read about the in-flight sleeping bag, but then was horrified when I saw the promotion pictures. See for yourself:

Is it just me, or do these look like body bags (especially the second one)? I just know the next time I am on a long haul, there is going to be some jackass seated next to me zipped head to toe in this inflight sleeping bag looking like extra luggage that wouldn’t fit in the hold. I mean, come on, let’s think about this logically.

WHERE and HOW would you zip yourself into this thing?

You get on the plane, everyone is jockeying for prime overhead space and trying to get themselves situated (and if you are like me, that means organizing the 5 magazines, ipod, book, water bottle, hand lotion, crossword puzzle and journal in the envelope sized seat pocket so you don’t have to reach into the overhead after takeoff. I am all about the activity bag). Do you go to the bathroom, zip in and then hop to your seat in your overgrown potato sack? I suppose that would be ideal. But my guess is that it’s more likely that you will attempt to zip in at your seat, twisting and turning and reaching and inadvertently punching your seat neighbor in the chest with your elbow while trying to get your arms in the tiny suited arm holes. Yeah, that sounds about right.

And of course, what do you do when you have to go to the bathroom? Man, I am not even going to go there. You get the idea.

So, as if this were bad enough, there was ANOTHER ridiculous item in my daily candy today. This just can’t be true. Is it? Or is it an elaborate hoax?

Flatulence Odor Control Seat Cushion

Yes, the opposite of a whoopi-cushion. You get it? You sit on this cushion and when you fart, it absorbs the smell. It’s called, I swear I am not making this up, GasBGon. I guess there were so many others who had the same thought I did upon reading about this, namely, “Whaaaat?”, that the GasBGon website appears to have crashed. But never fear, our trusty friends at Amazon have it in stock; check it out here. I am trying to ignore the fact that Amazon appears to be selling used versions of the cushion– since the only thing worse than a fart cushion in my book is a used fart cushion. You dig?

Fart Cushion. Seriously? Listen, I am as opposed to fart odor as the next person, but this just seems to go beyond the level of normalcy.

I know, I am telling you that I just know, that it won’t be long before I am on some flight going somewhere where the person next to me is attempting to zip himself and his fart cushion into a cotton body bag. Mark my words.

2 thoughts on “I am not making this up.

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