Much to Share

So, you’ve heard by now… Damir and I got engaged! A week into our engagement I still am not sure it really happened. But it did and we are giddy. This picture was taken just a few moments after… don’t we look giddy?


Let me just say that I love this man. He is so generous and kind hearted. He puts the needs of others above his own. He is smart, funny, and affectionate. We share a vision for our life together, and truly he is my best friend. He listens, he does laundry on occasion, he brings me breakfast in bed. I would say we have faced a number of obstacles that most young couples don’t have to deal with…. so I know very well that we are a strong team that can weather the challenges of life. I am so glad I waited to find him. Old friends tell me all the time that since meeting Damir, I have never seemed happier. They are right.

We aren’t jumping too quickly into wedding planning… I want to enjoy this period for a little bit before stressing myself out with details. I actually am dreading the wedding planning process, mostly because I do so much planning for work that it doesn’t feel like fun anymore.

My ideal wedding goes like this:

1) Wake up in tropical paradise next to my sweetheart
2) Get a private massage on the beach and have a lazy day
3) Put on some lipstick and brush my hair while enjoying a fruity adult beverage
4) Put on pretty frock, grab a flower or two
5) Pledge my love and partnership in front of close friends and family in our tropical paradise setting
6) Enjoy Good food and local music under the stars…maybe a campfire on a beach.
7) Lots of hand holding, smoochies and the pleasure of good company. But most of all: lots of laughter.

That’s it. No frills, no hoo-ha. So, really, the location will be key. Caribbean? Mexico? Florida? I have no idea… but am open to suggestion! Seriously… please send me some suggestions.

To Write

I used to keep a diary or a journal almost religiously. Every day I would take a few moments before going to sleep and write down the day’s joy or sorrow, expunging it from my mind. I think this helped me sleep better, and it definitely helped me work out problems and stress.

I love going back into those journals and seeing what was going on. After whom was I pining? What was going on in the world, or with friends? Where was I traveling? What demons were plaguing me (oh there were some big demons to write about). I laugh reading the stories from Italy when I was living abroad as a teenager; I am still in awe from the experience of sailing around the world; I am often perplexed that I got so worked up about something stupid, but I keep learning from mistakes made and resolved.

But since moving in with Damir I have all but stopped writing. Sure, snippets here on the blog, but that’s hardly an insight into what’s really going on behind the scenes or in my brain.

I think I am self conscious about the actual act of writing in front of him, which is silly when I think about it. He is my best friend and my partner, why would I feel so vulnerable just by writing? If anything, I feel more comfortable with him than with any other person that has graced my life. I am certain part of it is that sometimes I would be writing about him, especially when working out a little worry or some issue between us (still getting worked up about stupid stuff I guess). I wouldn’t want him to later come across any of my bitching and take it the wrong way… not that I think he would ever read my stuff uninvited. The obvious solution would be to find a cozy private corner and have my way with the pen, but that’s not really possible in our current set up. You know. The Parents.

And now… I am so out of practice I feel awkward and uncertain in front of a page. Where would I even begin telling the story of the past 2 years?

Just a little worried

There has been some amount of culture shock going from a huge multi-national corporation to a tiny 10-person family run start-up company. Here, there’s no employee manual, no complete job description, and no discernible politics. These are good things.

But, its scary being in a company that is rather fragile, on uneven footing. Especially in times like these. My chosen industry, hospitality and travel, is also somewhat volatile. The current economic climate is definitely playing a part in our day-to-day operation. It might make us a stronger organization in the end…. or we may be taken under with the tide. It’s too early to tell.

I know this: I do not want to be unemployed in New York City again. If I were to lose my job, I would have to wage a major campaign with Damir to move elsewhere. But where would we go?

Here are my top choices– in no particular order:

  • Chicago: My mom’s hometown and a fantastic city. But winters…. ugh.
  • Seattle or Portland: Would be nice to be close to my nieces as they get older… but its so far from Damir’s family, my parents and my sister.
  • The Carolinas: I think I am a southern girl at heart. And my parents are down in that direction.
  • Boston, or any major city in New England: give me a clam bake on any day and I am a happy girl.

Damir says he would leave NYC, but I think that would be pretty hard for him. For a long long long time before he came here, he dreamed about coming to New York. And he finally got what he wanted and loves it here. He has a huge family and cultural network all around New York, which just is irreplaceable elsewhere.

But each time we have traveled together to a new city… the Carolinas, Boston, even Texas, he looks around and says, “Yeah, I could live here too”. Maybe. I guess the thought of staying in only one city, any city or place, for the rest of my life makes me uncomfortable. I have gotten used to moving to a new place every 5 years or so. I like the exploration.

Anyway. I don’t really think I am going to lose my job. Not yet, at least. But just to be as safe as possible, I am trying to make myself as indispensable as I can be.

If…

If it was ever your dream to walk inside a giant fiberglass replica of Eddie Murphy’s head, you should have been in Times Square last Thursday.

Sorry if you missed it.



Posted in WTF