Dear Evil Tooth,
I pulled you, motherfucker.
I wanted us to work it out. I wanted to keep you in there, happily chewing my meals. But you just had to be a rebel. You thought you were so James Dean, but I think you were more Sarah Palin. A faux-badass.
But let me tell you: this road has come to an end. As you started up again today, just 2 short weeks since our last battle of wills, I knew I had to just pull the plug. So, I trekked in the middle of my busy workday the Oral Surgeon, Doctor Hottie McHottie. And Dr. McHottie did the deed. He pulled your faux-badass out of my jaw. It took him all of 45 seconds once he numbed me up and grabbed hold of you. How badass is that?
And I say good riddance. Pretty soon I won’t even remember you were ever there.
Love and more antibiotics & vicodin,