Sitting here on the couch rubbing the rump of my unborn baby as it pokes into my stomach lining I am contemplating how we got to where we are.
I was never one of those women who like OHMYGODIHAVETOHAVEABABYNOW! I honestly feel like I could have lived out the rest of my childless days feeling content and fulfilled with my life. For the majority of my years if you asked me if I was going to someday be a mother I would probably respond, “Eh. Probably not.” But I wasn’t opposed to babymaking either. I just wasn’t certain it was in the cards. My husband, on the other hand, has serious baby lust. When he encounters a baby he can’t take his eyes off him. He loves to make faces, tell stories and do whatever possible to make a baby smile. I love that about him and didn’t want to deny him the experience of fatherhood. So, at the ripe age of 38, last spring we decided it was now or never and started making preparations to bring our own little one into our lives:
Step 1: Quit smoking.
Mission accomplished! After nearly 25 years of smoking I let the bad habit go 0n March 1, 2012. It wasn’t easy, but I attacked my mission with a plan. I gave myself 30 days to get used to the idea and enjoy my last few packs and then on the appointed day I quit. No drugs, no patches. But a round of laser acupuncture to help with the side effects certainly didn’t hurt. I just completed my first-year smoke free and I have to say I am more than a little proud that I’ve made it this far. But I won’t lie to you…. I miss it every day.
Step 2: Get pregnant.
Check! On August 1st I got the big happy smile on the take home test. That night I put the test and a bun in the oven for Damir to discover. Here’s a short look at his reaction to finding out I am pregnant (note: not WE. WE are not pregnant)
Step 3: Figure out how we are going to physically and financially fit a baby into our lives.
This is still being worked on. Our cozy little home is only a large studio and we’ll be living here until at least August when our lease is up. What happens from that point on depends on several variables we still have to work out. Will we move back into our other, larger, apartment where currently my inlaws are living (sans inlaws, naturally)? Will we rent something else a little bigger? Will we just stick it out and stay cozied up where we are cramped but happy? I will have to get back to you on that. The uncertainty is worrying, no… that’s not true. The uncertainty is slowly driving me to the brink of insanity, but I have to blame nesting instincts gone wild for that.
There’s still so much to do and figure out (hello, Daycare?) but I am confident it will all work out. At least that’s the mantra I am repeating to myself day after day.