Winter, you win.

I am not a fan of winter. 

Yes, I love a good snow storm, I just hate to commute in it. I have more scarves and hats than any one woman should own, but I abhor donning them day after day.  A couple of years ago Damir and I went to Mexico for my January birthday, and I find myself really longing right now for warm shores.

But more than getting sick of the cold, it’s a struggle for me to get through the winter. Long prone to depression, the winter months and lack of light really do me in. It helps now that I can recognize and attempt to combat these dark days, but it is not easy.  At the end of each autumn, I see myself falling down the tunnel towards darkness but feel incapable to reverse the course. The feeling is like being in a bad dream and you know you are dreaming but can’t seem to wake yourself up to get out of it.

For me, depression isn’t about being sad, it’s more about withdrawing into myself, obsessing over the negative elements of my life, eating (hello carbs!), combating anxiety attacks and being very short tempered. I also tend to get sick a lot in the winter, which may or may not be related.

I think winters will always be hard for me, but some better than others. This one so far has been pretty okay, which I credit to the massive increase in Vitamin D I am taking. Last winter my doctor tried to strong-arm me into going on anti-depressants, but the recollection of so many bad side effects is still too fresh for me to acquiesce. Thankfully this winter seems to be a little better.  And thankfully I have a husband who is very adept at handling my ups and downs.

The last few weeks, I have been surprisingly social, thanks to the visits of a few out of town friends. Connecting with those close to me certainly helps A LOT. I will be heading up to Boston for a long weekend in a few weeks which will also be great. Those bambini are the perfect role models for experiencing pure unadulterated joy over the simple pleasures of life.  What if we never stopped feeling exhilarated by a game of peek-a-boo?

Well, Hello there.

So the blog is now password protected. Doing that sort of makes me sad since you never know what new friends you might come across in this here blogosphere. I liked that people could just stumble upon it and read stories and then go on their merry way. I liked writing for a public audience.

But as I mentioned, there are topics I don’t write about because I am, by nature, a worrier. As I have one foot in to the job market, I wouldn’t want to put some things out there for a potential (or my existing) employer to see. And I would like to share with you more about what my life is like living in New York with my in-laws, but not to an open audience.

So I am holding interravision a little closer to my chest. At least for a little while. The people I have granted access to are just a few close friends and my family. People whose blogs I read, who I think have been following mine over time.

I hope you’ll keep reading. Happy New Year.

The first change.

You will notice right away, if you are visiting and not getting it through a feed, that I have finally made some design changes to the site. Yay! I didn’t realize that blogger had added new capabilities for design and layout.

I also cleaned out my blogroll, added in a few blogs and site I pay attention to and have deleted ones that no longer update or hold my attention.

Sadly this New Year’s Eve I am very under the weather, but my work in tourism helping people get the most out of NYC keeps me at my desk though I’d rather be home under the covers.

Wishing all of you a happy and prosperous 2011. I am going to get the year off right by winning the Mega Millions lottery tonight! Aren’t you jealous?

A Change is Gonna Come…

I miss writing.

During my Christmas trip up to Boston my Mom and sister lamented that I no longer post entries to the blog. There are many reasons for this…reasons I have discussed before. Like the arrival of Facebook and Twitter taking up the time I used to dedicate to Interravision. When they mentioned the blog I felt a pang in my stomach, a sense of loss…I miss the process of telling stories.

But I am realizing that one of the biggest reasons I stopped writing is that as I get older I get more and more concerned about privacy issues. Or perhaps as I have connected my life to someone who is by nature a very private person, out of respect for him I don’t dish as much as I used to. The things I want to write about, and probably what you want to read about, I don’t feel comfortable putting out there for just anyone to read. A potential future employer, a previously fired employee or my in-laws, for example.

So here is a compromise. I am going to password protect the blog and write whatever the heck I want. If there are any regular readers left out there, please don’t be turned off by this. Understand that by doing this I will be able to provide more engaging content. At least, that is the plan. Starting January 1, I am securing the blog.

Just wait till I tell you about the tale of the 2 microwaves.

Happy New Year!

Restless Again

I don’t understand people who don’t like to move. I LOVE to move. I like the entire process of it. Starting with checking out potential new homes, it’s a process not unlike dating. You meet a potential match and as you stand at the doorway meeting for the first time you know right away if it’s got legs…or if it’s better to just move on down the road. But when you see that special one, you just know.

Sure, packing and cleaning out can be dreary, but there’s such a cathartic nature to it. Looking at each of your possessions and deciding if it’s good enough to accompany you on the next phase of life, or better suited for the trash. It’s your own personal reality TV show where you get to vote off your stuff.
And then the move itself. I remember crying uncontrollably as I left Boston the first time…then again in Amsterdam…and then of course in Boston again. Each time standing alone in the empty apartment that held so many memories and saying goodbye is always like leaving a friend behind. I have always loved where I lived. That’s the hard part…but then arriving to the new place is a dawn of a new day.
Turning a place from an impersonal shell to an extension of yourself is nothing short of magic. Finding new places to display your treasures; a marriage between your own character and that of the space you have claimed. Sleeping in your bed for the first time surrounded by 4 new walls, hoping the street below will be quiet enough to sleep…as I type, I am taking a deep breath, eager for the next time I get to experience that feeling.
Almost since I can remember, I have been moving every 4 to 5 years or so, starting I guess back when I would follow my parents as they moved around in their post-divorce years. It’s just become easy for me.  I have been in my current living situation for 1,400 days now. As much as I blame my wish for new space on the obvious issues surrounding our current living situation, it really does go deeper than that. I am itching to pack up and go, even if just across the street or down the hallway. I feel it in the pit of my stomach just like I feel the desire to smoke a cigarette. Is there some support group for this addiction?
My colleague went to go sign the lease papers for a new apartment she and her boyfriend just stumbled upon yesterday. She was so giddy and happy as she left, and I feel so jealous of her giddiness.

Counting Blessings

A friend the other day told me about a friend of hers who was supposed to be married on the same day as I am getting married, May 8th. A routine visit to her doctor turned up a lump in her breast and her whole world turned around in an instant. Wedding plans gave way to chemo plans. How can I possibly complain?

Recently I learned that the last boyfriend I had before meeting Damir is fighting aggressive cancer that started in his mouth and now lives in his lymph nodes and lungs. Earlier this week he underwent a lung biopsy and today he had a port inserted into his arm to facilitate his next round of chemo. How can I possibly complain?
Lately I am feeling a bit like a punching bag, and finding it hard to find the air to breathe. Stress is my constant companion and I don’t like that my frown lines appear to be growing faster than my smile lines. I have to sit down, close my eyes and count my many many blessings. I am much looking forward to a week on the beach, fruity drink in hand.

Open Letter to 2009

Dear 2009,

I am sorry to see you go, since it was a pretty decent year for me. Sure, the country continues to be a mess and I have more than one unemployed friend these days, but selfishly speaking you were good to me, if comparatively uneventful. Maybe even a little boring, but really I can live without any drama for a little while.

We started the year off great with a beautiful trip to the Mayan Riviera. I loved the place we stayed so much I am considering a return visit for our 2010 honeymoon. But we’ll see about that. It was warm, the food was good, and the beach was nothing short of spectacular. Man, I could use a little sun right about now.

In March, Damir and I finally found the place to host our wedding. Woo-hoo! We successfully narrowed a list of over 300 places down to 1. The trip down to FL was short, but successful. In just a week I am heading back down for my 2nd visit, this time with my Mom for some on-site planning. Hopefully I will get a lot done! I learned this year that wedding planning more or less sucks in general. I will be glad to be done with all the details and look forward to an imperfect but wonderful destination wedding.

Work was good. Busy. I got some new projects I am looking forward to taking on.

The highlight for 2009 comes down to a tie: First, becoming an East Coast Auntie to Erin and Tom’s twins has been so amazing! I was lucky to get up to Boston almost every month to see those two cuties. I wish I was just around the corner in my old apartment in Back Bay, but then again, they’d probably pester me to babysit all the time, so it’s just as well (j/k). I can’t wait to see them grow and grow, but love this baby stage a lot! The other highlight has been solidifying friendships with Michelle and Paulina. Having 2 local girlfriends has been a big boost to my LI quality of life. I am starting to feel like LI is more than just a temporary rest-stop and maybe an actual, gasp, home. Life on the home front still isn’t all I want it to be, but I am adapting.

2009, you’ve got a lot of competition in 2010 in terms of being memorable year, but I thank you for being so good to me. Cheers!


Facebook Killed the Radio Blog.

Ever since Facebook came along and provided a faster vehicle to share bits of information, the blog here has fallen to the wayside. It’s harder and harder to sit down and formulate, you know, complete sentences and full paragraphs, when a one-liner more or less sums it all up.

Status Update: Terra is too busy to find the time to Blog.

It makes me sad in some ways, though, since I really really like the process of writing out stories and updates. I should get back to it. So, why wait? RIGHT NOW, I am going to bust out a few entries. Or at least one.

I am So. Sorry.

Dudes. Here’s my problem.

I don’t know what to say lately! In recent weeks my life is being dominated by work. When not at work, I am doing research for the “BIG W”, set for May 2010 or a possible honeymoon. When not at work or doing research, I am thinking about the gym, at the gym, or trying not to eat constantly. When not at work, doing research or thinking about my waistline, I am trying to sleep. Usually not successfully since I am thinking about all that other stuff. That leaves me little time to entertain you with my witty observances.

If it helps ease the pain of my absence: I miss you. I really do. It’s not you, it’s me.

I just don’t want to bore you with rant after rave after rant about the ridicutrocities of wedding planning. It’s my own choice to put myself through this maddening process, so I have no right to complain, nor have I gotten to the part of planning that’s good yet (god, I hope there are good parts down the line) and worthy of our conversation. Right now I am in the stage which I call, “HOLY SHIT, THAT’S WHAT THAT COSTS? FOR REAL?” It’s not the most fun stage of event planning.

But, trust me when I tell you there is very good stuff on my horizon. Interesting stuff too. I promise. Here is a little tid bit in the meantime. I went to Boston recently to see my sister who is nearing the completion of her pregnancy with twins. How cute is she?

Oh, and I will also leave you this nugget. First, you know I love babies with wigs. Cute! But what’s possibly even cuter? Doggies with wigs. Check it out from my favorite pet store, Trixie + Peanut:

Who can’t love that?

Another year is come

Dear 2008,

All in all, you weren’t a bad year.

In many ways, you were actually better than others. Aren’t you proud? The last few weeks have been a little rough on me, but looking back the good moments were really pretty great. Like when Damir proposed to me. That was awesome.

I didn’t have to change jobs once this year, which makes you clearly better than both 2006 and 2007.

But watch out for 2009 and 2010– I think there are some pretty exciting things down the line. 2009 is getting itself off to a great start by offering up an amazing Mexican Riviera vacation right from the start. Can you compete with that? Not that I didn’t appreciate the week spent in NC with my Dad & Jan, Ashbloem’s wedding in Texas and the various excursions up to Boston. Those were some good times. But a 5-night luxury vacation, my first vacation in years, and my first vacation with my sweetheart, is pretty tough to beat. And of course, the babies. 2009 will mark the arrival of Erin’s two little ones– little in 2008 can compare with the overwhelming joy of welcoming my new niece and nephew.

Sure, you pulled out a pretty amazing election which had me in it’s clutches all year. It certainly wasn’t boring! I weeped with joy on November 4th. But 2009 gets to claim the main event: Inauguration. However, if Obama tanks, or turns out to be just another corrupt Illinois politician, you might look like a winner in retrospect.

On the downside, there were the many many many tooth issues, which still plague me. But, you were redeemed by providing me the opportunity to buy my first new car, along with Damir’s help.

Now that I think about it, looking back through the year, 2008 was pretty great. I laughed a lot, cried a little, worked hard, played harder, got in gear and fell in love again and again with my sweetheart. 2009 would be lucky to do so well.

Happy New Year my friends. I wish you love and luck and lots of laughter.