Just be patient with me for a second…

OK, I rarely use this forum to rant about things, especially of a personal nature. But I cannot help myself today. As you all know, I dabble in the art of internet dating from time to time. I had taken a break from it over the last few months, but recently have been thinking about getting back into the ring.

Sure, I’ve heard horror stories. And while I have had a few unpleasant experiences myself, I can’t say they outweigh my unpleasant dating experiences with guys I met offline. Dating, in general, can just be unpleasant no matter where you meet someone. So, off to the races we go.

I have tentatively posted a profile back online…new pics, new text, new headers. I thought that might give me some good karma*.

One of my pet peeves is when someone tries to read too deeply into what you have revealed of yourself in your profile. Even worse is when they make absolutely inaccurate observations. Exhibit A:

So you sound like a lot of fun, and seem to have been involved in many adventures and fun events! You have a great smile, it seems to show that awkward, maybe sometimes lonely, but rebelious young woman inside. My guess, most who know you, don’t relly know you! My question would be is that intentional on your part? or do they simply lack the ability to see who is really there?

Buddy- give me a fucking break. Do you really claim to see a lonely yet rebellious young woman inside my smile? Does he really expect me to respond by saying, “Oh Yes! You can SO like totally see inside my soul. People don’t know the REAL me, but I like really want YOU to know me. I beg of you, save me from my lonely and awkward self” Please.

But what happened last night takes the cake. I read a post online. I liked it, it sounded sincere and honest to me**. So I sent a well crafted, witty yet not sarcastic, sincere response of an accurate length (not too wordy, not to brief). He responded immediately. Asked if I wouldn’t mind a quick chat rather than exchanging a million emails. Sure, why not? I was feeling bold.*** We started that horribly awkward chat on the phone. Isn’t it SO strange to talk to someone on the phone that you don’t know at all? So this is how it went:

Jerkface: So, what inspired you to respond to my profile?
Me: Oh, I don’t know. I haven’t ever responded to one before****. I guess just whim and whimsy.
Jerkface: Anything else?
Me: Ummm. I liked how you describe yourself, that you have a sense of humor and are close to your family. You sounded sincere. I think I am the same way.
Jerkface: So, you are looking for someone to take care of you financially? I own a few real estate companies in the city.
Me: What? Well, no. I am pretty independent [he did say he was looking for an independent girl], I am financially stable on my own. I mean, I think generosity is a valuable character trait, but I like to be as giving and generous to the person I am with as they are with me. But I don’t think I need a – (interrupted)
Jerkface: goodnight. *click*

What? Are you kidding me? He hung up on me! I sat there for a second with phone in hand just staring at it. Incredible! I was fired up and immediately called V. who only laughed at me and asked, “what do you expect?”. So, this is what I should expect? Should I lower my expectations to the point where any man who exhibits any base act of kindness and manners is heralded as though he is the King of Redemption? I can’t do that. I don’t think I should either. I guess that means I have to live with the consequences of believing that most people have good intentions [gentleman from exhibit A is excluded]. Call me naive. Call me stupid. Call me unrealistic. But don’t call me cynical, bitter, or resigned… Yet.

*actually, I thought that might attract people who have mistakenly looked me over in my previous attempts.
** a second reading in the light of day has revealed otherwise.
*** Or something.
**** True…for that particular site

It is better to go for someone who loves you, rather than someone who you love

As previously mentioned here in blogworld, I occasionally dabble in online dating (OK, truth is for a while I was really addicted to it, but now am on a break). I still have a personal profile up just to see what kind of responses I get, and occasionally something comes really extrodinary comes through the wires. I received one this morning that really does take the cake….

Hello my new dear friend!!!
I hope that you do not object if I shall address to you thus:) First I want to be presented… My name is morgan. I am 48 years old.I am a single now and never married. I have 2 children. I am a the cheerful woman… I have a good feel of umor… at least I so think:)

My hobbies are walking in nature with my friends… I like to read a serious books, classics, phylosofy.Also I like to be engaged in various kinds of sports and to look it on TV.For example, I visit a sports hall when I have a free time.I think that I any woman should keep up the body. I think that you agree with me…Sometimes I like to visit dance club. But I do it not frequently.

Well, what I want to find?I want to get acquainted with the woman which searches for serious relations as me.I want will find the woman which to have such character traits as honesty, kindness, respect, fidelity to family.I want will find the woman which to care of me and about our family…The man of my dream should be a support for family. I hope that you understand me.I hope that I shall interest you. I shall wait yours ????? with impatience… I’ll be waiting for your answer…Bye… mj

I took a look at his profile and was a little baffled by his entry line: “It is better to go for someone who loves you, rather than someone who you love.” Does that mean it’s better to be loved by someone than to love someone? That’s a little disturbing, don’t you think? On a side note, in his profile he is divorced and 44, not single and 48.

Now please don’t think I am cruel… really I have a lot of heart when it comes to this often dehumanizing pursuit of “romance”. If anything, my friends criticize that I let too many men have pieces of my life they don’t deserve. And the poor English usage isn’t really the issue here– Lord knows I’ve had some true loves who couldn’t even count up to 7 in my native tongue. But come on MJ! I wish I could show his picture, but will not do so to protect his identity. He’s talking on a cell phone, and I swear it is a cut out from a JC Penny catalog and not a real life picture of him. Comedy. Pure comedy.

Like, Totally!

I love the 80s!

When was the last time you grooved out to Madonna’s Holiday? Lucky me, my friend Rob plays synthesizer (and a few other instruments from what I gather) for The Reganomicsa fantastic local 80s cover band. Even with a brand new singer leading the band, and a venue not extremely conducive to live music, they sounded great.

Here’s a shot of the band, sadly you can’t really see the lead guitarist’s Karate Kid headband too clearly in this shot. What a great 80’s accessory.

In this one you can get a better sense of the annoying TV (highlighting March Madness basketball) backing the band:

The only real unfortunate part of the evening were these two very drunk dudes pictured below who kept trying to play grab-ass with my friend Alyssa and me, and presumably every other girl in the bar. It must have been the bachelor party of the short one since–get this– he had a real bowling ball and chain attached to his ankle. I know this because the ball accidentally hit me and it was damn heavy. I feel sorry for his poor fiance who was also somewhere in the room, since he was all over just about any girl within arms reach. ew. I think Alyssa came close to kicking him in the nuts when he and his friends suggested it would be fun if she showed them her boobs.

Ah, well. It was a good night out. Tomorrow I am off to London, so it will be a short blogging week.